Quitting smoking is hard, now don't let me underplay it, it is incredibly damned hard. Even now as I sit here 2 months after quitting, I pause now and then as if to stop and reach for my cigarettes. I don't have any, and There is nothing to reach for, but the act of sitting here at my computer, is setting off triggers to old and terrible habits.
I realize this even more when I sit down at the easel. Every little pre-work action (which previously had been done while smoking) is another trigger trying to pull you back in. As soon as I enter my studio I am immediately hit with that feeling, which obviously means I need to back off. I am getting better and I have implemented a set of steps to conquer in order to get back to it, but that is taking just as long as quitting is.
Last week I went into the studio and just sat there for an hour. I didn't do anything. I didn't think about painting, I didn't think about setting anything up to record... I just sat there, and even that was difficult.
This week I am going through the motions of setting things up and then just taking it all back down. Just trying to make these things as second nature as the reaching for a smoke was. These are the steps I am having to take if I want to continue making art and doing a decent job at doing it.
What once was normal is now equivalent to discomfort and anxiety. (I just did the pause and reach thing again... see what I mean.)
I am hoping that sometime this week or next week I will be able to actually attempt to put something on canvas or paper, but I also think it still might be to soon. It is very frustrating and I hope that with time, I can learn to art again without these impulses.
So I would like to put it out there to you guys... Have any of you quit something you did while doing something else that has negatively impacted the something else? Would love to know if I am alone in this or not. (I know I'm not, but confirmation is pleasing... lol)
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